Monsters vs. Aliens – my early review

I could sum this up with one word: Don’t.

But you know me, I won’t let it rest there.  So, in continuing my recent ‘complaints about cartoons’ trend, let me elaborate for you.

Like millions of other families, we watched the preview during the Super Bowl with our 3-D glasses.  I wasn’t impressed, but I wasn’t outright horrified, either.  That was because they didn’t show enough. 

A couple of weeks ago I took myself  my daughters to see the Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience movie, because I knew that I they would love it.  And we all did.  But the previews before the movie, not so much.  Whatever happened to tailoring the previews to the movie?  Sort of an ‘if you like this, you might also like these’ approach.  Either that practice has been abandoned, or whoever did that for this one isn’t very bright.  First we were treated to a preview of witchcraft (aka Harry Potter).  Seeing as how the number one reason I love the Jonas Brothers is because of their devout Christianity, the witchcraft was a slap in the face.  (I recognize that I am among a small minority of Christians who feel this way, but I do.  And that’s a whole other blog post, in which I would elaborate and then be harshly criticized.  Maybe someday I’ll do it anyway.  But I digress.) 

Moving on…the next preview was for Monsters vs. Aliens, and I can sum this up with another word too: Dreamworks.  That’s right folks, not Disney.  Dreamworks.  Their standards are clearly not the same.  A few of the lovely tidbits the trailer illuminated for us:

-A girl with short hair is referred to as a boy.  Someone points out the error, to which the monster responds, ‘That’s not a girl, look at his boobies.’  Awesome.  Mockery, sexuality, body image issues, vanity – all inn one package.  This joke is fun on so many levels.  woo-hoo!

-A half-fish man is discovered and referred to as ‘The Missing Link’.  Nothing like a little Darwin for the pre-school set. I adore hidden agendas in children’s movies.  Like Happy Feet or Wall-E.  That’s just great.  Then I don’t even need to teach my children to think for themselves, I can just plop them in front of a video and let the people in Hollywood teach them values.

-A exclamation is made along the lines of ‘What the Fffffuuuungle’ (not the real end of the word, but something just a tad off of The F-word.  Clever play for youngsters, right? Ha, ha, ha.  That’s just so funny.  The only thing funnier will be when children all over the country start saying it themselves.  Now that will be freaking hilarious.

I could go on, but I won’t.  I think this pretty well makes my point. 

I’m sure this movie will still make millions, which saddens me.  It also saddens me to read the long list of celebs who voiced the movie.  Lots of people I enjoy watching contributed to this piece of garbage.  It has a PG rating, which since it’s animated I’m sure most parents will completely ignore.  It bring to mind movies like Tropic Thunder.  Apparently ‘taste’ and ‘class’ and ‘propriety’ are out the window.

Just skip it.  Please.  Don’t help them make money off of peddling this to our kids.  They deserve better.