A very bad, very good day

Today is a day that brought me to my knees. 

A day that has been gut-wrenchingly painful, emotionally and financially. 

A day that has seen plans changed and dreams shattered. 

A day when it feels like much of my world is crumbling.

And on a day like this, what is there to do but hit your knees?

And as I did, something happened.

I thought of Judges. 

We’ve been having a series of sermons about the book of Judges, and they’ve been quite good.  If you are not familiar with the storyline, the basics are that the Israelites stray from God, bad things happen, they pray for Him to deliver them, He sends help, they are saved, rejoice, and then wander again.  Over and over this pattern repeats itself.  It is hard not to read this book and wonder how the Israelites themselves did not see this pattern and learn from it.

“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love”

Many times in my life I’ve felt that a sermon was speaking to me, that the message therein was one that I particularly needed to hear at that time.  But honestly I believe this is the first time I’ve heard a series of sermons that were preparing specifically me for something to come. 

Today as I prayed, this book and these sermons came to mind.  And I realized -

I am just like the Israelites.

How often do I wander on my own, taking my comfort for granted? 

How fervently do I pray when that comfort is threatened?

I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, There are no atheists in foxholes. 

True that.

How disappointing to realize this about myself, over and over again.  That no matter what I know, I still fail to implement it.  That no matter how hard I try, I fail.  Miserably.

I am ashamed that I don’t keep the same level of passion every day, because certainly God is deserving every day.  How it must hurt Him to be taken for granted.

And in the midst of my tears, I realized that today is a blessing.

This crisis is a blessing.

So often we have to be broken before we can be made whole.

It humbled me yet again, when I needed it yet again.

It helped to draw me back to where I belong.

It renewed my perspective and forced some changes.

They are painful, but they are progress.

Today, I am praising God for that.

I am thankful for my burdens.

I am thankful for the bad things that bring me to my knees, because that is where I belong anyway.

I’m thankful for a God who loves me enough to draw me back, every time I wander.

And I’m thankful for a day spent in intense prayer.  May they be more plentiful in my life, no matter how much rain it may take to bring them.

I will praise You in this storm.