A conversation with Catie
We live less than 3 miles from Catie’s preschool. 2.63, to be exact. And the sheer number of words that she can squeeze in during that 5-minute ride never cease to amaze me. How do her vocal chords keep up with her mouth? How does her mouth keep up with her brain? And where does her brain come up with this stuff?
What follows is an actual conversation with my almost-five-year-old. I recorded it for posterity.
Catie: Turn on the radio.
Me: I will Catie, just a minute.
Catie: Can you turn on Leaving on a Jet Plane, I don’t know when I’ll be back again? I like that song. I know all the words. Want me to sing it to you? I’m leeeavin, on a jet plane…
Me: I don’t have that CD with me.
Catie: Aw, mom! Why not? I love that one. Can you put in Power in the Blood? Or Nothing but the Blood? I like songs about blood. Are there any other songs about blood? Why do they sing songs about blood? Isn’t that kind of yucky?
Me: Well no, honey, because those songs are about Jesus. His blood is special.
Catie: I’m special too. My teacher said that the Bible says all of us are special, but she didn’t know where it says that. I think maybe she made that part up just to make us feel good. But I bet God still loves us, even if we’re not all special. It would be really hard to make all of those people and have every one different. Do you think everyone is really different?
Me: Yes I do.
Catie: Why? Twins aren’t different. They might look different, but they aren’t always different. Luke and Addy are different because they are boy and girl, Luke is a boy and Addie is a girl. But some twins are both girls and they look exactly the same and that is dental and then they are the same, and I guess probably boy twins can be dental too, but I don’t like that kind and I only like girl twins, because the boy twins that go to my school, I don’t know their names but they are boy twins, and they throw wood chips. (pause) That smells bad. What smells bad? What is that smell? Do you smell something stinky? I smell something stinky. Lilly do you smell something? Hey did you know that Seth’s dad goes hunting?
Me: No I didn’t.
Catie: Has dad ever gone hunting?
Me: [snort] Not hardly.
Catie: Have you ever gone hunting?
Me: Yes.
Catie: Did you go with Pappap?
Me: Yes.
Catie: Will you take me hunting some day?
Me: We’ll see.
Catie: I’d like to go hunting. I don’t think I want to shoot a gun yet. Maybe I can just watch. When I’m bigger I will shoot a gun. Do we have any guns? I like guns. Not for shooting people, just stuff. Like cans and animals and stuff. That guy on tv shot a can. Plus you shoot cans in that game at the fair. I want to hunt when I’m a grown up. I’m going to hunt cows, because I like steak. Have you ever hunted for cows?
Me: Well, no. You don’t really hunt cows, honey.
Catie: Why not? Cows are easier to hunt than deer. Seth’s dad goes hunting for deer but I don’t know why. Deer run from people so they’d be hard to hunt. Cows just stand there. Plus they taste good. And farmers could just go hunting whenever they want.
Me: I think you’re missing the point of hunting, Catie.
Catie: Isn’t the point to shoot something so you can eat it?
Me: Well yes, but…
Catie: (interrupting) Can we go to the zoo for my birthday?
Me: Why? Do you want to go hunting at the zoo?
Catie: No. (pause) Can you do that?
Me: No.
Catie: Why not?
Me: Because zoos try to keep animals alive. I don’t think they’d like it if you came in shooting them.
Catie: But you can’t eat if the animals are alive. They have to die sometime. What are we going to have for lunch?
Me: I don’t know yet.
Catie: Can we have soup, and can we eat it at Grama’s house?
Me: You can’t just invite yourself over to someone’s house, Catie.
Catie: I can if it’s Grama. Do you love your mommy? She is the best Grama ever. When we were over there yesterday she gave me tea and I got to put my own sugar in, and she let me put in as much as I want. And she gave me a treat, and she didn’t even yell when I stepped on her foot. I think she loves me. So I want to go to her house for lunch and I want you to tell her that, because I know it will be ok. Ok?
Me: We’ll see, Catie.
Catie: Call her and tell her I said that. And tell her about the hunting. And also, can we have steak for dinner? Except Annie would like crab legs I think, because she doesn’t like steak. Can we have steak and crab legs?
Me: No.
Catie: You always say no. Grama never says no.
Me: She did when she was my mom. And she didn’t give me steak and crab legs for dinner, either.
Catie: When you pick me up, can you bring Grama with you? And can you come in and see my teacher today? And I want you to read me a book when I get home ok? We’re painting today. I’m going to paint with Anna Jean, because she helps me and because we don’t like to sit next to Teresa because she says bad words. Also she sticks her tongue out at me, whichly is not nice, and also one time Seth said butthead. And he threw his apple in the wrong place and I saw him and I knew he was wrong but I didn’t tell Miss April because you said not to be a tattle-tale, but I watched him and I knowed it was him that did it and he was being naughty. He didn’t do what Miss April said. I think his mom needs to teach him better manners. Maybe he needs his bottom spanked so he wouldn’t say butthead anymore. He isn’t very nice but I still like him because I have to because Jesus said we have to like everyone, but if I didn’t have to because Jesus said to, if Jesus didn’t make me, I wouldn’t like him and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who said bad words like butthead. Except I have to on account of Jesus. But that’s all. That’s the only reason. Did Jesus really say that we have to like everyone?
Me: You have to love everyone, but you won’t always like everyone. It’s complicated.
Catie: What does complicated mean?
Me: Hard to understand.
Catie: Oh. So do I have to like Seth or not?
Me: Yes.
Catie: Then I’m going to tell him that he better be glad for Jesus, because if there wasn’t Jesus no one would ever like a meanie like him.
Me: Don’t you dare say that to him.
Catie: Ok. But I’m still gonna think it.
Me: Caitlin Boyd!
Catie: Mommy mom!
Me: Child, you wear me out. Please do not say anything like that to him. It’s not nice.
Catie: I told you I wouldn’t. But don’t you ever think things in your head that aren’t nice?
Me: Yes. But a good person tries to stop thinking bad things, and think about things that would make Jesus happy. I don’t think it would make Jesus very happy to hear you telling Seth that no one likes him.
Catie: That isn’t what I said at all. I said no one would like him if Jesus didn’t tell us we have to, which means we do like him, so I don’t think that’s the same at all and I think it’s ok, but I won’t say it.
Me: Catie! <sigh> Have a good day. And stay out of trouble, ok?
Catie: -ignores me because she’s already started talking to the carpool lady-
Me: -drops head to steering wheel in exhaustion-
A conversation with Catie. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.











































