Makeover Monday: My Hair

My friend Jen has been on my case about the ‘serious’ nature of my writing recently.  At her request, I am lightening up.  And because I once embarrassed her so badly she cried [and then tripped and fell down the stairs in front of a guy she was trying to impress, which of course made me laugh hysterically, and then she cried harder, because her friend is a jerk and also her finger was broken] – I owe her.

Welcome to ‘embarrass myself’ week.  Because Jen?  I love you that much.

I have issues with my hair.

I was born with quite a lot of it, thick and bushy and black.  I’m not sure why, but it’s a family thing I guess – my daughters were just the same.  It never fell out either, just slowly turned to blonde.

The problem is that when I was a child, I was a tomboy.  I had no patience for ribbons and bows, and I couldn’t be bothered to brush it.  My mom’s solution?  snip, snip

First with the too-short, uneven bangs

It got a little bit better (read: less crooked)

So of course that had to be rectified pronto

For a couple of years that shaggy, mullet-like cut stayed

[Man, I totally rocked the velour tummy shirt. Go me.]

These experiences scarred me.  I was like, 12 when I finally got my hair to grow out.  And there was no stopping me then, baby.  I was all, my hair is never going to look bad again!  Which is why even when playing basketball, I was fully curled and plastered with hair spray at all times.  Sweat couldn’t stand a chance against a half can of Aqua Net.

[I'm just gonna go ahead and apologize for that whole 'global warming' thing, if you believe in it.  There's no doubt that my 4300 cans of aerosol hair spray had something to do with that.]

Eventually I gave up the big curls, and traded (up?) to extreme length

Enough already Heather.  Get a haircut.

Oh hey, that’s not half bad. [Except for the coat. #9, AKA The One Who No Longer Exists]

Thankfully I got rid of that good haircut ASAP – wouldn’t want to look normal for too long.

Nice headband.

Hmmmm….maybe shorter would be better?

Yes, that is better.  It must go.

Curls – because that’s never worked before.

Ok, try again.

Yes, that’s better.

Let’s ruin it.

Note to self – you are not nearly as cute as Meg Ryan and you cannot pull off her haircut.  Also, you look fat in that outfit, and you don’t have pregnancy as an excuse.

Note to self – you aren’t Carrie Fisher, either.

Perhaps the wrong hair color would help?

Maybe I should just give up, and sport nothing but ponytails and twists.

How much worse can it get?

Humiliation – we’ll be here all week.