Hopelessly Flawed

Category: Family & Friends

Breaking my silence

Whew! I’m glad that is over. I’ve had a lot to say, and no way to say it!

I took a hiatus, as you may have noticed. I promised myself that I’d take the summer off and completely enjoy my precious children, and enjoy them I did.

While I was gone, there were trips taken and memories made. Swimming and slip-n-sliding and many, many popsicles eaten. A few Big Moments, but mostly lots of little ones, which are precisely my favorite kind of moments.

A few highlights:

~The day I treated everyone to a strawberry limeade, and while we were in the drive-thru line Annie asked me if I could roll down her window. There was a bus parked nearby that was unloading soldiers, and she leaned out the window to call to those passing by. “Thank you for keeping our country safe!” My heart swelled. This is a very good kid.

~Catie? No longer shy. In the slightest. She talks 90 miles an hour to anyone who will listen, telling perfect strangers about our dinner plans or her loose tooth or the play that her sister is in. The child is Out There in a big way these days, which is something I wasn’t sure would ever happen, given her previous inclination to hide under my skirt in pretty much any social situation.

~It’s too early to be sure, but it seems Lilly, at four-and-a-half, may finally have gotten the hang of putting her shoes on the right feet. Everyone please find something wooden to knock on, so we don’t spoil it. This has been a long journey – the child even wore flip flops on the wrong feet, with the strap between the wrong toes. It pains me just to think of it.

~The county fair! I know many people mock them, but I really love ours. The girls and I do lots of baking and sewing and drawing and flower cutting and photograph taking, and we enter as many categories as we can. The result? Lots of ribbons, and enough prize money to pay for our night at the fair. This year Annie and Catie were tall enough to ride lots of things they’ve never ridden before, and they were delighted! A very good, very late night was had by all.

We’ve enjoyed tea parties and day trips and lots and lots of craft projects. There’s been a lot of staying up late and very little sleeping in, and s’mores on more than one occasion.

Lightning bugs were caught, stars were wished upon, and a little camping was done.

And every day, I was very, very thankful to have these precious girls to spend it with.

I am blessed beyond measure.

Tangled Birthday Party

AKA-When I take a blogging hiatus, my titles suffer.

I’ve been working like a maniac on an all-out birthday party extravaganza for Catie.

It’s a bit early.

Her birthday isn’t until June, but summer birthdays mean friends on vacation and busy summer schedules that make parties a bit challenging. Take it from an August baby – it stinks. So I promised Catie we’d celebrate in May, before school let out, so her friends could be there. But then my sister and my niece planned to come visit in April, and since we see them so very infrequently, she wanted them to be a part of the party. So yeah…we’re having a party 2 months before her actual birthday. But I’m requesting no presents, so it won’t look greedy, will it?

All of that led me to realize that I’d never posted about Annie’s birthday party, which was, um…6 weeks ago?

I suck.

Her theme was Tangled.

I thought I was soooooo clever when I came up with this invitation idea:

But then later I googled ideas for food and saw that someone else had a similar idea, and did it better. Drats.

The good news is that I was able to download her cute banner to print and hang at the party as well.

I also made those paper mache lanterns, which worked very well with the theme. {More on those tomorrow}

The kids could color

and paint salt dough ornaments.

I thought I was so clever, making little crowns and frogs to fit the theme.

Until after I finished making 40 of them and Annie pointed out to me that Pascal was a chameleon and not a frog.

Whoops.

That also affected my ‘flip the frog chameleon into the frying pan’ game.

My fabulous mother drew out this super cute poster – perfect for playing ‘Pin the nose on Flinn’

She also painted this fabulous tower – the kids could climb up in and get their picture taken as Rapunzel.

{huge hit!}

But most breathtaking of all was the cake. Ah, my mom creates the very best cakes! And this was no exception.

No detail was overlooked

 

check out this light fixture!

and even the inside was ornately decorated.

It was a cake truly fit for a princess.

And princess she was – my Annie shone.

Her one true love was there, and they danced.

She told me later that him being there made her day completely perfect.

Funny.

Her being here makes my life completely perfect.

I love this kid.

One of my favorite moments was the pinata.

Well, the pinata aftermath, actually.

The tower was busted and as the kids scurried to scoop up the candy, I hear Annie’s small voice, urgently telling the kids to take their bounty to the table so it can all be divided equally.

Methinks someone is a bit too high strung for pinatas.

She recovered nicely, though. And has only mentioned how stressful that was twice since the party.

Oy.

On school and illness…and gratitude

The last time I posted was a normal day. The day after? Notsomuch. They day after began a whirlwind of doctors, hospitals, tests, medicines, therapies, and half-tank fill-ups, since I refuse to let my gauge get below half a tank, since even half costs me $40ish dollars and I know I’d cry if I saw the bll for a complete fill-up.

Sidebar – who doesn’t love a good run-on sentence?

So for the past few weeks, it’s been hectic. Stressful. I’ve spent a lot of time on my knees, praying for my sweet daughter. And I’ve spent a lot of time wishing I could carry her burdens myself. I’m experienced.

When I was an adolescent, I was sick. Very, very sick. In fact, between 7th & 11th grades, I missed more of each school year than I attended. You name the symptom, I had it. Hospitals were my second home. I learned how to reset my own IV alarm, since it went off so frequently. I knew exactly how many steps it was from the front door to the ER bed. And I knew that one day, I would die of this mysterious illness that no one could diagnose.

I believed this wholeheartedly, and I even wrote a will. You know, for all of my 15 year old possessions. In truth the will was more confessional, telling the secrets that seemed too big to reveal in the real life of a teenager. It was all very tragic and Molly Ringwald would most definitely have played me in the movie. This gave me an odd satisfaction.

At the time I felt bad for what I was putting my parents through. Not that I could help it exactly, but still, I’m a person with guilt. I hated that I cost them so much money. I hated that I messed up their work schedules. I hated that they worried so much about me.

After tens of thousands of dollars spent, countless specialists visited, and more invasive testing that anyone should ever have to go through, there was still no answer. Doctors began telling my parents to take me to therapy because I must be crazy. Which certainly is true, but thankfully my parents believed in me enough to know that my insanity wasn’t of the hypochondriac variety. And then one day, literally almost overnight, my problems vanished. I was healthy again. Whole again. Normal for the first time in 5 years.

We moved.

We still have no definitive answer for what caused my problems. My parents didn’t move to cure me – we had no idea that was even possible – it was just a blessed coincidence. We moved to a new state and realized that my problem must have been an environmental allergy. The school building that I was in was making me sick, quite literally. I was never ill before or after I left that building, and I wasn’t the only one affected.

At the time, though, my principal was, um, less than understanding. That’s the kindest way to phrase it. At one point he told my mom that if I didn’t return to school for the half day before Christmas break, I would have to repeat my sophomore year. It was an in-school dance, and I spent the entire time laying down on the bleachers with a 105 degree fever. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance later that day, and admitted for 1 week.

You might think an apology was in order, and certainly you would be right, but none came. Because he was, as my sister once put it, ‘a gigantic waste of flesh’. And I know it’s very petty of me, but even now (with high school just a couple of decades years behind me), I feel angry with him when I remember this. I’d like to smack him for his jerkish insensitivity. And I’d like to have screamed when he sent me a friend request on Facebook. Decline!

Why am I telling you all of this? Because over the past couple of weeks, I have experienced exactly the opposite of Mr. Buttface. [Sorry for the language, mom] My daughter’s teachers and principals have shown us an outpouring of love that makes me all the more grateful to be right where we are. To be in a school that nurtures my child both academically and emotionally. That meets her mental and her physical needs. And one that is ready and willing and even happy to help us.

Catie collapsed at school, and the phone call I got said that she’d either fainted or had a seizure. When I went to collect her, Lilly in tow, I found that the principal had carried her down the long hallway to the nurse (and Catie is solid so this is no easy task). She sat with her and held her as the nurse examined her. And she waited by her side until I got to the school. She walked us out to our car. She even offered to keep Lilly at the school while I took Catie to the hospital. Think about that for a minute. Over 700 students in her charge, and she was willing to take on one more, just to be kind. Just to help her student who needed it. Just to make an awful day for us a little bit easier.

Above and beyond. It’s like our school motto. Every teacher, every assistant, every secretary, every janitor. Above and beyond. And I am so very thankful for each and every one of them.

I know firsthand what it is like to be in the opposite situation, which makes this experience even sweeter.

I still don’t have an answer for what is causing Catie’s problems, and there are many more tests to come. I’m still not comfortable letting her out of my sight, since I continue to get phone calls. But I am very, very thankful to know that if she can’t be with me, she is definitely in the next best place.  She has a large family of people who love her, and it includes the staff at Bardstown Primary.

Thank God for that.

Celebrating Annabelle

I do some of my best thinking in the shower, usually with music playing to drown out the mayhem and destruction taking place while the children are left unattended. A few weeks ago I was listening to a Steven Curtis Chapman song that he wrote for his wife, but somehow the chorus seemed to fit my Annie.

And let me show you

What a treasure you are

A priceless gift from Heaven

To this thankful heart

And I want to take this lifetime

To celebrate you

This child, this precious, beautiful girl, is definitely Heaven-sent. She blesses me every day, in ways big and small. And I wonder sometimes if I am doing the same for her.

If anything I do could ever come close.

I’d been thinking that day about 1 Corinthians 13 – you know, the love chapter. It’s read so commonly at every wedding we attend, I wonder if people even pay attention anymore. I’m certainly guilty of glossing over it from time to time.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Annie is patient. Annie is kind.

She is slow to anger and quick to forgive.

I could go through this verse and remove every ‘love’ and substitute her name, and it would still fit.

This child embodies pure, unadulterated love and joy, every moment of every day.

And as I was thinking about this, I realized that very shamefully, the same could not be said for me. Not even close.

This child – this kind, generous, compassionate child – is what she is in spite of me.

I want to be more like her.

More worthy of being her mother.

More deserving of this wonderful daughter God has entrusted to me.

I want to celebrate you Annie – today and every day.

Happy Birthday, sugar… and thank you… for the best 8 years of my life.

A special day for a special girl

She was the baby I didn’t even know I needed, and now she completes me in a way I never knew possible.

From the day she was born

she has held my heart in her tiny pink hand.

She mesmerized her GG.

And other people were ‘impressed of her’ too.

They are the sweetest of sisters

and the best of friends.

They share everyday moments

and extra-special adventures

and they don’t even mind when she hogs the spotlight.

She does that quite a bit.

This little girl is friendly

and adventurous

and silly

and one day she will change the world.

I know this because she has already changed mine.

And it’s an exhausting task.

But I know she’s up for it.

She can do anything.

Baby Mine.

There is a little girl in my house who is growing way too fast. And today that girl is 4.

Happy Birthday pumpkin. Sweet Petunia. Silly Lilly.

Happy Birthday to my baby.

I love you to the moon and back.

Easily Amused

I’m busy-busy-busy, but lest you think I’ve forgotten you forever, I wanted to share a few things that made me chuckle this week.

We’ve had 4 snow days already this season so I’ve been enjoying more time than usual with my school aged daughters. I love to listen in on their conversations with each other. There are definitely ugly, fighting moments, but thankfully those are few and far between.  I mostly hear loving exchanges – compliments shared, secrets whispered. The kind of sister memories I’ve always wanted my girls to have.

And then there are the funnies. Funnier still because they don’t intend to be funny at all.  A few recent examples:

Annie: That is the Hispanic Barbie.

Catie: What’s ‘Hispanic’?

Annie: It’s fancy for Mexican.

—————————————————————–

In the car, Lilly talking incessantly over the Christmas CD

Catie: Shush!

Lilly: Hey! I’m trying to talk!

Catie: Well I want to hear the music.

Lilly: That’s rude!

Catie: Christmas is about the birth of baby Jesus so shut your mouth and celebrate Him!

—————————————————————–

I’ve tried to explain the concept of personal space to the girls using a hula hoop as a visual. ‘Imagine everyone is wearing an invisible hula hoop, so you can’t get closer to them than the hoop would allow.’ (Genius right?)

Lilly: You’re in my bubble.

Catie: I was trying to give you a hug!

Lilly: Then hurry up and give me a hug and put your hula hoop back on!

———————————————————————-

Annie, singing It Came Upon a Midnight Clear

“Peace on the Earth and good will toward man, from heaven’s outrageous King…”

———————————————————————-

Catie takes a turn playing teacher

Catie: Who was born on Christmas?

Lilly: Baby Jesus

Catie: And why did baby Jesus come to earth?

Lilly: To save us from Satan’s power when we were going to play.

{God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen – ‘to save us all from Satan’s power when we were gone astray’}

———————————————————————–

Lilly only ever refers to Jesus as baby Jesus. I think she must be the offspring of Ricky Bobby.

“Baby Jesus loves us”

“Baby Jesus died on the cross”

I’m just waiting for her to pray ‘Dear 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus in a manger…’

————————————————————————

I didn’t laugh nearly as much before they came along.

I love these little people.

They complete me.

{We eschew the natural smile in this family. Clearly.}

Welcome to the World

Every good and perfect gift comes from above.

~James 1:17

Luke Thomas and Ryleigh Kathleen Bridwell – my newest niece and nephew.

Why my Thanksgiving sucked (and why I’m thankful anyway)

It sucked

…because it was spent in Kentucky instead of Pennsylvania.  My entire life, save one year I was too pregnant with Lilly to travel, I have had Thanksgiving dinner with my family in Pennsylvania.  After I married, Thanksgiving was the only holiday I ever got to spend with my family.  And this year not even that.

…because I miss my Grama most at Thanksgiving.  I don’t know why, but I do.  I ache.

…because Annie is sick, and as I type this, my thoughts are interrupted by her moans and occasional screams from the next room.

…because no pain killers are strong enough to kill an earache, and nothing I do for her can effectively take away her pain.

…because I’m home alone with Annie, while my other girls join my husband’s side of the family for their traditional meal.  Not only do I miss Thanksgiving with my relatives, I miss Thanksgiving with my own daughters.

…because it’s cold and rainy and gloomy outside, and not even the merriest of Christmas carols is making it feel more cheerful.

But I’m thankful anyway

…because I have a warm home to sit in while it rains outside.

…because we have medicine and health insurance to treat my daughter’s illness, even when it’s a slow process.

…because I have food in my cupboards and I can make a mini-Thanksgiving-ish meal for the two of us to enjoy.

…because I have these three wonderful girls, who light up my life and fill up my heart, even while miles away.

…because I have an extended family wonderful enough to miss, since I know many friends who are alone today and happy about that.

…because I know that my Grama is in heaven, having a wonderful today and every day.

…because I serve a big God, who paid the price for me to join her there with Him one day.

…because I am acutely aware of how blessed I am.  Blessed to be born in this great nation, to the amazing parents that I have.  To have the amazing daughters that I do.  To not go hungry or cold.  To know that no matter how sucky my Thanksgiving day may be, there are better days ahead.

I am blessed, and I know it and thank God for it.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends.

{I hope yours was better than mine!}

Makeover Monday: Snacking Edition

Makeover Monday has been moved to Tuesday this week, because that’s the way I roll.  I’m crazy like that.

It’s a mini-makeover too, so don’t get too excited.

And also it’s not even my idea.

I stole it from my friend Rachel, who should totally have her own blog, BTW.

But I’m giving her credit.  And in the Flawed etiquette of blogging book, it’s okay to steal ideas and blog about them as long as you don’t pretend that they are your own.

It’s all good.

So for the real issue – it’s snack foods.  More specifically, the lack of them in my house.

My kids are always asking for a snack, and I’m digging through the cabinets all ‘How about a can of tuna? Half of a Fiber One bar? Oatmeal?’ and then they look at me like I’m crazy and tell me how much better it is to be at Grama’s house.  In which case I’m all ‘heck-to-the-yeah it is, because Grama turns you loose with the sugar bowl and cuts of endless hunks of cheese to have with your crackers, and Pappap hasn’t ever seen you in your entire life without bringing you a chocolate bar, which equals a pretty darn fine existence in the life of a child and maybe I should move there too.’

Responsible parenting note: I don’t actually say heck-to-the-yeah in front of my children, but I do say crap, which apparently Catie also said in children’s church last week, which sent another boy in children’s church into a tizzy over the bad words she was bandying about.  Whoops! And also yes, when I am saying this in my head I am actually saying heck.  Much like OMG=OhMyGosh in my world.

So yeah, snacks. We need ‘em.

I’ve had a vague mental note in my head for weeks – ‘Buy snacks’ – but even when I get to the store I don’t know what to do with that information.  Why can’t they just eat an apple or some grapes?  Which they do, totally.  My good little eaters even eat raw spinach as a snack sometimes.  But I guess they’d like carbs now and again, too, and who am I to deny them that pleasure when I know full well it’s my nature causing this desire of theirs.  Or nurture – whatever.  Carbs are good.

A while back (okay, like a year ago – I’m a procrastinator) I noticed that my friend Rachel has a brilliant snack system in her house.  Naturally I felt the need to be just like her, because she’s pretty awesome.

Full disclosure: Because she is pretty awesome, she probably has this snack system for noble reasons.  To foster independence in her children, to have nutritious, perfectly portioned snacks on the ready at all times, to feed homeless passers-by on a moment’s notice.  Me?  I wanted the snack system because my kids annoy the crap out of me interrupting 400 times a day asking me to feed them, and I need to focus on my YouTube video watching writing without distraction.  It’s NaNo month, you know. And also you’re 3 now, Lilly, and I think we can all agree that you need to be able to handle these things on your own.  Now go pour mommy another cup of coffee and be quiet.

The hardest part of this idea for me was finding the properly sized containers.  I settled on these from Glad, for which I paid $2 for a set of 8.

For my first go-round, I purchased pretzels and Goldfish crackers.  Except I’m cheap and they are generic Goldfish. Whales.

Filled at random and tossed into a dollar store bucket, this is my end result:

Cue the cacophony of oohs and aahs.  Genius right?

In my idea-stealing observation, Rachel also uses popcorn in her tubs.  I’ll do a better job of spying the next time I’m in her kitchen and get back to you with other ideas.

I do have slightly less than a quarter ton of Halloween candy here, if you’d like to use some of that.

I was so proud of this blatant theft project, and yet ironically I forgot to tell the children that I even did it, so the snacks have sat untouched for a week.  Whoops.

I’m sure when I mention it to them tomorrow they will be thrilled and praise me Rachel for her brilliance and then eat all 16 containers in one sitting, completely defeating the purpose of the tub-o-Mommy’s-freedom.  I look forward to that.

Until then, feel free to copy the idea in your own home.

I’m sure Rachel won’t mind.

The best of friends

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

~ 1 John 4:11

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