True Love
My young daughters have already begun to choose their future husbands. I find it a bit odd since who I was going to marry was pretty much the farthest thing from my mind in preschool, but this seems to be a common practice now. I’ve found it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it might, likely because I breathe a sigh of relief at all of their choices.
Lilly proudly declares, “I get married with Luke.” Luke being a boy from our church. He’s a very appropriate 2 years older, one of the cutest little boys I’ve ever seen, and just the right amount of ornery. He makes me laugh just to look at him, and he comes from a good family. And it just so happens that the girls are all good friends with his twin sister, so the families could just merge seamlessly. Good choice Lilly. Please remember this in high school.
Catie picked Carter, the son of some friends of ours. Or possibly Isaac, their other son. Either way, I’m good with it. Another great family, great kids, super cute. She & Isaac might be too similar to make it work, but thankfully they have a few years to iron out the details. Thumbs up.
And then there’s Annie. She is 7 and going into 2nd grade, and she wants to marry her best friend. So far, a very solid plan.
What makes Annie’s choice so special is who her best friend is – a little boy from her class who is severely autistic. They sit beside each other, and from day one Annie has adored him.
She never noticed that their skin is a different color. She never cared that he is largely non-verbal. Instead, she began checking books out of the library on sign language. It wasn’t for 5 months that I realized she was doing this so she could learn to communicate with him.
She never cared that he throws fits of frustration. She didn’t mind recently when he hit her on one such occasion. In fact, she dismissed it immediately when I asked her about it, afraid he would get into trouble. “It’s okay mom, he didn’t mean it!”
She carries tissues in her backpack so that she can use one of those if the need arises, because he doesn’t like everyone to use the tissue box. He wants it to be his personal tissue box, and Annie is happy to comply.
She’s even gone so far as to re-arrange her bathroom schedule, because he doesn’t like it when she goes to the bathroom right after lunch. She never questioned why this bothered him, she just accepted it. And she loves him enough to change even that, just to ensure his happiness.
The first week of school, she told Catie about her new best friend. “He has autism” I heard her say, and my ears perked up.
“What’s that?” Catie asked.
“It’s just part of him, like you have blue eyes, and Lilly has big feet. It’s part of what makes him him. He’s really cool Catie, I can’t wait for you to meet him.”
And that was all she ever said about it – she’s never mentioned his autism since. But him? He gets discussed every day.
Their desks are together. They line up together. She holds his hand in the hallway, and she likes to sit with him at lunch so she can open his milk. Sometimes they make swaps with their food, which works out particularly well for him since Annie eats like a bird.
She loves him with a heart that is pure, and she loves him from a place that is deeper than most adults I know.
She has a completely normal, ordinary, everyday friendship with him, and I love this about her. That she overlooks all that is different and notices only what is alike.
Recently I accompanied her class on a field trip, and I was pleased to see how kind she was to him. She didn’t run off and leave him because things were new and exciting and he couldn’t keep up. She still held his hand. She still opened his drink. She still looked after her buddy.
In fact she ditched me on the bus so she could ride with him instead, and she helped him do Mad Libs on the way. That he didn’t understand ‘adjective’ or ‘adverb’ was no deterrent at all – she just found a way to make it work. When he got out of his seat, she showed him the sign for ‘sit’. When he was restless, she gave him my phone to watch cartoons. And mostly, she gave him hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.
I was so proud of her, and I told her that evening that I was happy to see how nicely she treated him, and what a good friend she was being. At this she screwed up her little face, gave me a strange look and said, “I’m not his friend to be nice to him. I just love him.”
And she does. She just loves him.
I wonder how many times in his life he will experience that kind of blind, unconditional love. I wonder how many times I will.
I wonder how many times I offer that same selfless love to others. Especially to those who aren’t family, to those who are different, to those who lash out at me in frustration.
How often do I love purely, without expectation?
How often do I overlook everything that makes someone different or difficult, and just. love. them.?
My daughter has the most amazing spirit I believe I have ever encountered, and praise God for it, because certainly it comes in spite of all the ways I fail her. I very often feel she is the one setting the example for me.
Today, I will strive to love like Annie. It’s a lofty goal, but I have a great Teacher – in more ways than one.
Tags: Autism, befriending an autistic child, overlooking differences
Faith & Spirituality, Life Lessons, My beautiful daughters | Heather May 28, 2010
Facebook comments:
By Shannon, May 28, 2010 @ 9:38 am
Heather, I am absolutely speechless. That is the most beautiful story I have ever read. I just wish that adults could see that “blind love” as well. Thank you for sharing.
[Reply]
By Darcie - Such The Spot, May 28, 2010 @ 10:12 am
I’m probably particularly sensitive to this kind of thing, but here I am, tears streaming.
You have been so blessed with Annie. Ah, but you already know that. She is an awe-inspiring little girl. A truly pure little soul. And this is precisely the kind of story I wish I could wake up to every morning.
Darcie – Such The Spot´s last blog ..Little Boys
[Reply]
By Carrie, May 28, 2010 @ 2:16 pm
God’s love is so evident in the perspective of a child, isn’t it? This post is beautiful, and it made me cry. What an amazing daughter you have.
Carrie´s last blog ..God Is Never Late
[Reply]
By Amanda M., May 28, 2010 @ 2:34 pm
Oh, Heather. This is so beautiful. The pure beauty of this story has brought me to tears. I want to live and love like Annie. Just like her.
Amanda M.´s last blog ..A Good Friend Will Share Free Chocolate
[Reply]
By Anne, May 28, 2010 @ 5:42 pm
You should be very proud. Your daughter is amazing and more mature than most or all adults.
[Reply]
By Merrie, May 28, 2010 @ 8:17 pm
Madly in love with your daughter over here. What a great lesson for us all. Thank you for sharing this!
[Reply]
By Becca - Our Crazy Boys, May 29, 2010 @ 12:12 am
Dying to give Annie a great big hug right now, because really, how often do you meet anyone that genuine?
[Reply]
By Becky, May 31, 2010 @ 9:20 am
You have a wonderful daughter. As a teacher of third grade I see on an everyday basis how sweet and yet how hurtful children can be to one another. You are obviously doing a terrific job as a mother to have taught your daughter such values. Enjoy your wonderful daughter and continue being such a great mom!
[Reply]
By Melissa, June 10, 2010 @ 4:24 pm
Heather, this is so beautiful and inspiring! It’s sadly hard to imagine what the world would be like if we all loved so purely and unconditionally.
[Reply]
By Shannon, July 6, 2010 @ 3:01 pm
This article touched me so that I had to write you. God bless you and your daughter.
[Reply]
By Karyn Climans, July 6, 2010 @ 3:52 pm
This is one of the most beautiful stories I’ve read in a long time. Your daughter is clearly a very special young lady – the world would be a better place with more of her!
[Reply]
By Helena, July 12, 2010 @ 9:24 pm
I’m so glad that I got to read this! Your daughter is one of the very special ones. What an ability to see into a soul so clearly and then have the ability to discern the needs of this friend. And the love! Oh, the love! So beautiful.
Helena´s last blog ..Great Giveaways-
[Reply]
By valmg @ Mom Knows It All, July 15, 2010 @ 10:22 pm
Wow that brought tears to my eyes. It sounds to me like you’re raising quite a young woman. You have every right to be proud.
[Reply]
By Callie, July 19, 2010 @ 10:03 am
Heather,
What a true blessing your Annie is. I too will strive to love as she does. Our God is a fantastic God and I am in awe of His great ways, especially when it involves the heart of a child. Be blessed today because you are instilling the great values that so many others don’t. Be blessed….
Callie´s last blog ..How To Make An Apple Cobbler Crumb Pie For Dessert
[Reply]
By Tiffany Odom, August 29, 2010 @ 9:42 am
Hey Heather, I just clicked this randomly today on your blog and I am in tears! Annie is such an example of how we should all treat others and I know you are very proud and blessed by her! I am going to bookmark this so that I can have my girls read it. Thanks for sharing! <3
[Reply]
Heather Reply:
August 29th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Aw, thank you! She *is* pretty awesome, I agree. I wish I were a lot more like her!
[Reply]