What I’ve Learned This Week
This is what we call beating a dead horse.
Remember the meanie that Annie was dealing with?
I talked to her father yesterday. It is worth noting that her father is also the coach of this team.
Call me crazy, but I think the coach should be setting a higher standard for behavior, starting with himself and his child. But this is not the case.
Phone call.
Me: Annie and [your daughter] are not getting along. I know that Annie is sensitive, but she’s been crying before every practice and game for the past 2 weeks. I’ve tried to help her find ways to avoid or change the situation, but it is not working out. [Your daughter] is calling her names and telling her to shut up. I cannot keep sending her back to an environment like that, so unless something changes, we will no longer be playing.
Him: I’m really sorry to hear that she doesn’t like [this sport] anymore. I hate that.
Me: It is not [the sport]. She still loves [the sport].
Him: I hate that. I really want every kid to love the game, and I hope that she will get over that and change her mind someday.
Me: Again, this is not about the game. She loves the game, but she does not like to be bullied.
Him: I was afraid this would happen.
{here is where I foolishly thought he was starting to see my point}
Him: About 3 weeks ago she was crying in practice. The problem is that she is younger and smaller than the other girls, and she can’t keep up.
Me: She is the same age as [two teammates] and she is older than [two other girls]. She has always been small, and she has always excelled at [this sport]. Her age and her size are not the problem here.
Him: Well I do hate to hear that. I want every kid to love [the sport]. If there is anything I can do in the future…
Me: I keep telling you, she loves the game. She does not love being called names. This is not a game issue, this is a personality issue. She is getting nowhere trying to be nice to [your daughter] and now I am getting no where trying to be civil to you. We will try again with a different coach in the fall.
-click-
Is it just me, or was he really, really obtuse there? Like, if burying your head in the sand were an Olympic Sport, he would be Apolo Ohno. Or if ignoring a parent’s complaint was an amusement park, he would be Disney World. Or if blaming other people for your child’s mistakes was an evil movie franchise, he would be Twilight.
What the heck, dude?
I hung up the phone so angry I was shaking…and then I cried. I always cry when I’m angry, and I hate that. It seems so weak. Because actually, I wasn’t feeling weak at all. I was feeling like “Hey buddy, I know where you are going to be in 20 minutes, and I just might show up and whap you over the head with a frying pan. Don’t mess with my kid.”
For the record, I did not do this.
I did, however, talk to 2 other parents with daughters on that team, and both are having the same issue. In fact, one of the mothers ran a practice last week when he wasn’t there, and she said the girl was mean to everyone, her included.
My beef isn’t that our kids don’t get along. Believe me, as much as I hate it, I know that will happen. And I know Annie will have to toughen up. But at the same time, when you are in a position of authority over young children - i.e. coaching a team of 7/8 year old girls - I think you need to take responsibility for their behavior, and not allow name calling or bullying behavior. Especially when it is your own child.
I’m thinking of filing a complaint with the board. Is that out of line?
So in summary, this week I learned that I don’t want my girls to be on a winning team. Sometimes, a losing team is a good thing. A team that knows that winning isn’t everything, and that having fun and being kind are more important than any scoreboard. I want my girls to keep proper perspective about what matters in life.
Here’s a hint, coach man – it isn’t that undefeated record.
We’ve played with ‘the best’ – now we’re ready for the rest.
To see what others have learned, hop over to my friend Julie’s place!
Tags: bully, mean girl, soccer, What I Learned This Week
Carnivals, How I See the World | Heather April 20, 2010
Facebook comments:
By Darcie - Such The Spot, April 20, 2010 @ 2:17 pm
Oh, I’m so sorry that happened. Makes me want to show up where he’ll be in twenty minutes and whap him upside the head on your behalf. Jerk.
You are well within reason on all points. If it were me I’d be running–not walking–to file that complaint with the board. Jerky jerk.
Oh. And PS. Love how you slipped in that Twilight dig.
.-= Darcie – Such The Spot´s last blog ..By The Light of the Moon =-.
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By heather, April 20, 2010 @ 2:30 pm
Wow, yes obtuse! I can’t believe how he danced around the whole “real issue”.
If your daughter really wants to continue playing this season, maybe explain to her that the problem is definitely the one girl. It may help to know that she’s not the only one who is being treated badly or being singled out. I’m wondering if all of the others on the team can sort of band together and try to let it all “roll off”? This mean girl probably likes to get a reaction, and maybe when she doesn’t get a reaction she’ll stop?
If she’s not wanting to finish out this season, I understand that, too.
And I’d probably file a complaint. At the very least it’s not good sportsmanship and is flat out bullying.
Poor Annie. It’s a shame that something fun can’t be fun.
.-= heather´s last blog ..some thoughts to ponder… =-.
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By Debbie, April 20, 2010 @ 5:46 pm
Three of my children played sports. I would talk to the other moms and if possible all of you need to file a complaint. What a jerk!
I’m really sorry Annie had someone treat her that way. I think I know where she got it.
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By Amy, April 20, 2010 @ 10:00 pm
What a doofus … I would file a complaint!
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By Becca - Our Crazy Boys, April 21, 2010 @ 12:51 am
Definitely file a complaint. I wonder if you could mention it to the other parents who are having problems, too?
How frustrating that he’s coaching and has the bratty kid.
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By Amanda M., April 21, 2010 @ 6:39 pm
WTH?? This guy should really be a politician because he totally responded to you with an answer that had nothing to do with the initial question or situation that you were talking about. I’d be pretty irate about this.
I’d definitely file a complaint. I hate to do things like that, as I am super non-confrontational (aka a wuss), but this has to do with children and it’s just plain wrong. Gosh, I am so sorry for Annie and this whole situation.
.-= Amanda M.´s last blog ..Saying Goodbye…. =-.
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By Julie From Inmates, April 26, 2010 @ 8:37 pm
Oh, that burns me up just reading about it. Someday that girl will meet her match and I suspect crazy coach guy will be wishing he had handled the situation differently.
.-= Julie From Inmates´s last blog ..Another Edition of Not Me! Monday =-.
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