A very bad, very good day
Today is a day that brought me to my knees.
A day that has been gut-wrenchingly painful, emotionally and financially.
A day that has seen plans changed and dreams shattered.
A day when it feels like much of my world is crumbling.
And on a day like this, what is there to do but hit your knees?
And as I did, something happened.
I thought of Judges.
We’ve been having a series of sermons about the book of Judges, and they’ve been quite good. If you are not familiar with the storyline, the basics are that the Israelites stray from God, bad things happen, they pray for Him to deliver them, He sends help, they are saved, rejoice, and then wander again. Over and over this pattern repeats itself. It is hard not to read this book and wonder how the Israelites themselves did not see this pattern and learn from it.
“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love”
Many times in my life I’ve felt that a sermon was speaking to me, that the message therein was one that I particularly needed to hear at that time. But honestly I believe this is the first time I’ve heard a series of sermons that were preparing specifically me for something to come.
Today as I prayed, this book and these sermons came to mind. And I realized -
I am just like the Israelites.
How often do I wander on my own, taking my comfort for granted?
How fervently do I pray when that comfort is threatened?
I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, There are no atheists in foxholes.
True that.
How disappointing to realize this about myself, over and over again. That no matter what I know, I still fail to implement it. That no matter how hard I try, I fail. Miserably.
I am ashamed that I don’t keep the same level of passion every day, because certainly God is deserving every day. How it must hurt Him to be taken for granted.
And in the midst of my tears, I realized that today is a blessing.
This crisis is a blessing.
So often we have to be broken before we can be made whole.
It humbled me yet again, when I needed it yet again.
It helped to draw me back to where I belong.
It renewed my perspective and forced some changes.
They are painful, but they are progress.
Today, I am praising God for that.
I am thankful for my burdens.
I am thankful for the bad things that bring me to my knees, because that is where I belong anyway.
I’m thankful for a God who loves me enough to draw me back, every time I wander.
And I’m thankful for a day spent in intense prayer. May they be more plentiful in my life, no matter how much rain it may take to bring them.
I will praise You in this storm.
Tags: Casting Crowns, fervent prayer, Judges, Praise You In This Storm
Faith & Spirituality | Heather March 8, 2010
By rebecca, March 8, 2010 @ 8:33 pm
Love you, Heather.
By Kim Berry, March 8, 2010 @ 9:00 pm
Amen sister! How often this very thing has happened to me and each time I know where the answer lay! I think that for some of us, me for certain, it’s just the way that He speaks to us as the understanding father He is, letting us wander with every bit of confidence that we will be back. I too praise him for “raising” me the right way, knowing He instilled in me all the love and foundation to find the right way. As we mature in His love and works in us, those times away become shorter and fewer in between. As each day goes by and I see his works in my life it has become easier to stop letting life get in the way of my praise and worship!
BTW, I just get so excited when I hear the sermons that speak directly at me! I know what you mean when you say that. God is great! I also thank Him for having led me to a place (hcts) where his presence is felt. Everything happens for a reason!
By Cindy, March 9, 2010 @ 5:57 pm
Oh, wow.
First, I’m sorry about whatever crisis you find yourself in. I hope it resolves smoothly and quickly. (((hug)))
I really needed to read this today, though. I find myself in not the same, but a similar mindset often lately…
So, thank you.
Cindy´s last blog ..Answers to your questions, Part Three
By Becca - Our Crazy Boys, March 9, 2010 @ 10:42 pm
Thinking of you
By Amanda, March 11, 2010 @ 11:23 pm
Oh Heather, I am so sorry. I am so very happy you found comfort during this hard time, and I want you to know I am keeping all of you in my prayers that whatever is troubling you will be resolved. Much love. <3
Amanda´s last blog ..Big Bows & Teal Fingernails
By Beth, March 12, 2010 @ 8:46 am
Thinking about you! Love ya!