In which I examine myself
What do you miss most about your life pre-children?
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. And quite honestly, I have been trying to stuff the thought into a small box in the back of my mind. My life is infinitely better with these girls in it, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. I say often that I don’t know what we did before we had them, but it surely wasn’t anything good. They make every day better, every moment brighter.
But the truth that I feel so guilty acknowledging is that I do remember what we did before. And while it certainly wasn’t better, or even nearly as good, it wasn’t bad either.
We slept late on Saturdays. We read the newspaper in bed. There was wine and late nights dancing and brunch at the Waffle House. We went out to eat a lot, and not fast food either. Real restaurants, with cloth napkins and candlelight and delicacies. We went to the movies and saw whatever we wanted. We could travel with only carry-on luggage. We took architectural tours and read books together and studied European history. I had breakables all over the place, with no regard for safety. We had friends that we went out with every weekend. We went to sporting events and enjoyed camping and conversation. Just conversation.
I wouldn’t trade my life now for anything in the world, but sometimes I miss the ‘before’ moments too. So what does that mean? I’m having a hard time getting past the ‘I must be a horrible mother to even think this’ stage, but I think maybe it means that I miss my husband. I miss me. Something is missing. And I think it’s our identities apart from this family.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being known as Annie, Catie, and Lilly’s Mother first, and Heather second. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But lately I have realized that without any life separate from this house, I’m not the wife my husband deserves. I am not bringing much to the table. This is difficult for me, as I’m an introvert and I don’t like putting myself out there. But I need to do it. I need to force myself. There are always projects at church that need volunteers, and I vow to get better about stepping up and stepping out to do it. I think it would be good for all of us.
First on the list – finding a babysitter. How does one do that?
Tags: before babies, dancing, introspective, self-awareness, single life, wine
Hopelessly Flawed Confessions, How I See the World, The Stay-at-Home Mom Gig | Heather February 17, 2009
Facebook comments:
By Amanda M., February 17, 2009 @ 6:44 am
I think I could have written this exact thing, just not as eloquently. Keep me posted on how this goes. I am right there with you. Lotf of support hugs.
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By Melanie, February 17, 2009 @ 7:44 am
Well, I think you’re an excellent mother. Tending to your own needs, and the needs of your marriage will only further empower you in the parenting arena.
As for sitters, I would ask other parents who they use. Ask around at church and your kids’ school. We have a few sitters that we use–a high school student from our church who works in the nursery every week, a single girl in her twenties who used to be a nanny, also from our church, and I also get help from other moms at times. It depends on the time of day and the need.
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By Darcie - Such The Spot, February 17, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
Oh goodness my friend. If those thoughts make you feel guilty, well, then I guess I’m glad you can’t read my mind.
I don’t find anything wrong with missing pre-baby Heather. Nothing at all.
I hope church will give you what you need, but certainly don’t stop there.
This post makes me wish I lived closer.
Hugs!
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By Kate, February 18, 2009 @ 9:26 am
((HUGS)) Melanie said it great in her first paragraph… Also, I ditto the church for help with a babysitter. We utilized our wonderful nursery nanny a time or two before she moved.
Now it’s been way too long again… I just finally called yesterday a wonderful high school girl from church that LOVES kids and is great with them. We are going out on Friday for the first time using her!! Best of luck! 
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